Dear Abby: I’m worried my misbehaving nieces and nephews will ruin my son’s wedding

Dear ABBY: I recently attended a funeral for a family member. During the 90-minute service, my great-granddaughters and grandsons (ages 3 to 6) ran around the church. Their parents said nothing and allowed them to continue.

After the service, we were all invited to a sit-down meal in the banquet room of an upscale restaurant. Again, the children (ages 3 to 13) were allowed to run around, screaming and bumping into each other on the dance floor in the center of the room. The noise became deafening regardless of the older attendees. Again, the parents seemed oblivious to the commotion and did nothing to stop them.

My son is getting married in two months. Some of the children who attended the funeral will be present at the wedding. How do I deal with the fact that I don’t want the same performance from these kids at the wedding and reception? My husband and I are paying a large sum of money for this event and I don’t want to leave early because of the deafening noise and embarrassment. – COME TO COLORADO

DEAR WITH FEAR: I don’t blame you for not wanting anyone, regardless of age, to ruin your son’s wedding. Now that you are aware of your new relative’s behavior and lack of discipline, you will need to deal with it directly. Inform parents that this behavior will not be tolerated or welcomed. When you get backlash (and you will), all you have to do is tell what happened at the funeral and the dinner afterwards.

Dear ABBY: I have recently come to realize that, although she may not want to admit it, my mother gave birth to me to replace my older brother who was, for lack of a better way to say it, legally kidnapped again in the 1980s using loopholes in the judicial system. Realizing this has made me understand why I always felt she resented me for not being him. I grew up in his shadow – something I know she did her best not to let me see, but I was perceptive enough to understand.

Should I confront my mom, who so far denies that it’s extremely difficult to live a state away from her because it’s so close, or should I accept that there’s no closure on this issue when I’m not even sure it is possible? — IMPROVED IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR OLD MAN: Regardless of how you came to this epiphany, have you tried talking about it with your mother, who may have no idea that this happened in your head? You won’t know if closure is possible until you talk to her about your feelings and ask if she would be willing to discuss all of this with you and a licensed family therapist. I’m crossing my fingers in hopes that she can help you calm her down.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.